Columbine

Alright, technically it's now January 2010 (although the posting will say sometime in November), and I am way behind in this blog. I will do what I can to remember each book, although I am pretty sure I am forgetting something between Columbine and the next one, but we'll hobble along anyway.

So, Columbine. This was a fantastically well researched book about the circumstances surrounding the shootings, the writings, lifestyles and personalities of the boys involved, and the aftermath.

I think it's a particularly poignant topic for me, as I was a year younger than the shooters and in high school myself when this happened. I remember where I was exactly when I heard about the shootings and how we reacted to it in our school. Additionally, there was a copycat shooting at a small town south of the city a few weeks later where a boy my age was killed. A scholarship was set up in his name, and I received university money from it later on, as did many of my friends. Anyway, long story short, it was an important event in my personal history.

I think one of the most interesting things that this book addressed was the media's interpretation of what happened, and how that effected what we all thought reading about it internationally. Finding out there was no real "trenchcoat mafia", the boys weren't all that marginalized, etc. was very interesting.

I have to admit, I had a lot of nightmares the week I read this. However, it was interesting, well researched and I was talking about it for days afterwards. 4.5 disenfranchised, trenchcoat wearing youth out of 5.

Are these my Basoomas I See Before Me?

Ah Georgia Nicolson. We meet again for the last time. You may be a book written for children, but that didn't stop me from laughing out loud and enjoying myself considerably while reading your last installment. We've had a tumultuous relationship - you've gotten tiresome in the past with your silly language and constant ignorance considering Dave The Laugh. However, I have stuck by you, and I am going to admit - I'll miss you.

Thanks for the mammaries! 4.5 nunga-nungas out of 5.

White Stone Day

I am not going to give this stupid book too much more of my time. Maybe it was the fact that I kept falling asleep during the first few chapters, but I found it a rambling, confusing and ultimately unsatisfying volume, one that I only finished out of spite and obligation.

A rambling tale about a roguish reporter in Victorian London, the main plot revolves around (I think) trying to bring a child molester, pornographer and murderer to justice within the upper classes. There is also a subplot revolving around the hero's dead brother, another couple of kids, and Oxford.

Confusing, rambling and ultimately unsatisfying. I will give it 2 glass photography negatives out of 5 out of charity, as I was totally out of it for the first few chapters.

Huge

This book (yes, it's for young folk) had such potential. Who doesn't love a good story about fat camp? First there was the MTV special, aptly titled "Fat Camp", then, we got a second taste with "Fat Camp 2". Finally, the world gave us "Huge".

I love a good camp story. I especially love a good fat camp story. Who doesn't? Camp has such an in-the-now flavour, it is perfect for teen romances, drama, and everything you come to expect from a good book for young 'ins.

Unfortunately, "Huge" didn't live up to it's potential. It was cheesy and seemed unfinished by the end. I think that, had 13 year old Alana read it as opposed to 27 year old Alana, there would be a different verdict. However, as I am an adult (albeit one who reads teen fiction on a semi-regular basis), I have to rate it 2.5 perfectly portioned grilled salmon fillets out of 5.

Bad Behaviour

Ah Sheila O'Flanagan. We have such an interesting love/hate relationship. I mock you with my cool friends, but deep down we all know that you and your plucky young heroines keep me entertained and happy through some dark, dark times.

For plot details see Marian Keyes books from previous posts. Let's just say that Sheila O'Flanagan, despite the cheese factor, gives me warm fuzzies when I need them. For that, I thank you. This was a great $6.99 bargain bin purchase.

Until next time, Sheila. I will see you on a beach somewhere....

Year of Wonders

This book is probably one of the better books I've picked up in a while. It takes place during the Bubonic Plague outbreak of 1665-1666 and centres around a young peasant woman in a small, isolated village.

It's pretty much as you imagine it, i.e. lots of death and pestilence, plus pus. The end was a bit bizarre and seemed to be disconnected from the rest, but overall enjoyable and seemed that it could be a likely representation of life during the plague.

Now on to fluffier finds...

Overall, 4 horsemen out of 5 (I made up a new horseman - Pus).

The Birthing House

Totally brutal. It started off well, but by the end I was hating life. I hate it when that happens. I want my Monday night back.

The Pretend Wife

This is probably the best book I have read in about a month (I have a feeling I am missing one from September, but oh well). This isn't to say that it's the best book ever written, but it was better than I expected - especially with that cover.

It talks about taking the easy route in life rather than choosing risk, and where that can lead. I enjoyed the characters and I found the protagonist to be relatable. I think the best part was that she wasn't good or evil, but trying to make the best decisions using the information she had.

It reminded me a lot of a fairly recent book of Emily Giffin's called something like Love the one you're With or something like that (too lazy to google). Similar subject matter, but I would argue a bit more true to life. It lacked a sense of humour to any large degree, but other than that it was a pleasant read that I enjoyed.

3.5 three-legged dogs out of 5

Cult Insanity

This is Irene Spencer's second book about being married to a LeBaron brother (after the first, Shattered Dreams).

I have to say, this was basically just add-on info about the LeBaron family and how nutty they were. I don't think it added too much to my knowledge of these kooks, especially after reading her first book. It was kind of like the movies Flags of our Fathers/Letters from Iwo Jima. Two sides of the same coin, but with the same perspective both times.

For a polygamy book, pretty dull (although full of murder and crazy religion).

2 Archangel Nephis out of 5.

Secrets of a Lady

I could write a whole lot about how lame this book is, but instead I will just say, don't waste your time. It had the potential to be everything I love in a book - a saucy tale of intrigue taking place over the London landscape during the Georgian period. Instead I got a cheesy and silly, convoluted tale with really lame characters. I think Snidely Whiplash may have actually been there. I have blocked out the rest.

2 super secret spy wives out of 5.

Lost Boy

There's not too much to say about this book that I can recall, unfortunately.

I remember that I wanted to read this because a) I have a thing for the polygamists and how nutty they are; and b) because most books out there are from the women's perspective.

Vaguely, I recall that it mostly just reiterated what other books on the subject have said - how Warren Jeffs and debatably his dad had changed something that, while not healthy, was not completely messed up, to a place of total and blind control.

Other than that, I can't remember too much. I take that as meaning I was underwhelmed. 2.5 Mormons of the marryin' kind out of 5.

Cracked Up to Be

Ah, teen fiction. You are my proverbial golden calf. I worship secretly at your alter. Nothing entertains me more than drama written about the lives of 17 year olds (also, I am now addicted to Veronica Mars).

This book is one taken from the much heralded "Sarah Dessan" shelf - a former high achiever who has experienced some past trauma and is working through her issues through the usual new boyfriend/new best friend/drinking inappropriately/secret new hobby.

It reads much like a Sarah Dessan in that it is real and rings true. Courtney Summers (a Canadian), doesn't quite get to the level of Dessan at her best, but I think her future books might show more of an individual voice and hit that really excellent level.

Totally worth an afternoon in the sun (which is the conditions in which I read it, poolside in Radium). 3.5 tortured teenage souls out of 5.

Dark Places

Again, I am way behind and having difficulty remembering. This will hopefully diminish as we get chronologically closer to present day in my reviews.

That said, I do remember that I really enjoy Gillian Flynn. I find it's hard to get hands on books that are well written but don't shy away from difficult issues. You either get decently written books that glaze over unpleasantness, or trashy books that write the stuff for shock value. Obviously there are exceptions to this in really good literature, but in modern fiction it seems to be a rarity.

This book comes from the perspective of the only survivor of a farmhouse family massacre, other than her brother who is doing time for the killings. Her testimony as a child is what put her brother away for life, but as the book continues it becomes clear that her memories perhaps shouldn't be trusted.

I think what makes this book (and Flynn's last) stand out is that the protagonists are both fairly unlikable people. Underemployed, emotionally stunted and in the case of this book, extremely grumpy.

A bit disturbing, but I think that was warranted by the subject matter - 3.5 alcoholic deadbeat dads out of 5.

A Reliable Wife

I am way behind in updating the blog. trying to remember this book is proving difficult, let's see what I can come up with...

I think I remember that this book tried to be more than it was. It was a bit pretentious, but it did have it's moments. We had a promising storyline about an arranged marriage that wasn't what it seemed, but by the end it had devolved into a ridiculous murder plot that lacked believability. If I remember correctly, there was also a bit about a lost love and a crazy-expensive Italian house in the middle of Wisconsin (or Minnesota?). Regardless, the back of the book sounded promising, but it delved into silly by the end. Not completely unenjoyable, but not a highlight of the year.

2.5 poisoned elderly men stumbling around waving shotguns out of 5.

A Darker Domain

Again, I am not going to say too much on this. Another Val McDermid, about the coal miner's strike and a high-profile kidnapping. It was par for the course and checked most of the mystery boxes, but I was entertained. Lots of bodies, some ridiculous situations, and some puppeteers.

2.5 ransom shootouts out of 5.

The Forest of Hands and Teeth

I didn't realize when I picked this book up that I was about to read a book about the Zombie Apocalypse. Generally, this isn't really my thing. But I was game, and I gave it a try.

It started off really well, a story about a young woman growing up in a village fenced off to keep safe from the "unconsecrated" outside. She doesn't really fit in, and after the death of her parents she gets forced into the village's religious group, the Sisterhood. The first part, taking place in the isolated village, reminded me exactly of the M Night Shyamalan movie, down to the layout of the village and the creepy communy-religious culture. I actually checked to see if it was published prior to the movie, and used as a source. It wasn't.

Anyway, eventually she has to leave the village and go out to try to find society that isn't supposed to exist. It's a gruesome, stressful and mildly depressing story that falls apart as they venture further from the village. I found the protagonist to be selfish and a bit lacking in actual personality. The plot started surprisingly well - I was intrigued by the Sisterhood, their secrets and the inter-relationships within the village. It ended too soon and with quite a few loose ends, and it almost felt like a cop-out to get to the second act.

The section that takes place outside the village had some merit, but dragged and ended abruptly and without any sort of actual resolution. Sure, she sees the ocean, but at what expense? I finished the book feeling frustrated and cheated - what could have been a great story ended up being a let down, one that slowly unravelled and became overly simple.

I hadn't planned on saying that much about it, actually. I am still a bit pissed that such a good start ended so frustratingly and I have the urge to find Carrie Ryan and rant at her for a while. Anyway, 2.5 zombie babies out of 5.

Best Friends Forever

I think Jennifer Weiner is an underrated writer, having been cast into the chick lit pool, forever to be written off as fluff.


In reality, I find her writing to be genuinely funny, aware and poignant books about women struggling with their roles in life and how they can fit into the life they have been cast.


This book is her newest, and it is a definite departure from her previous work. The biggest thing I noticed was that it wasn't funny, or at least not in the same way that she normally is. Her main character wasn't caustic and sharp, but rather sweet and a bit sad.


That said, after I got used to it I didn't find a bad book. Elements of it were a bit off, such as the bank robbery scene (funny but out of place and a bit random), and the level of obsession of the cop. He was just a bit creepy, I would have kicked him to the curb. Overall though, it was a sweet book about shared history and learning to take risks, and it was worthwhile.


3.5 drunken pantless cops out of 5

Rude Awakenings of a Jane Austen Addict

Nothing too exciting here - a time travel/body switching piece of fluff where a single woman from regency Britain becomes a single woman in modern day LA.

Obviously it's pretty silly, but also confusing - it's the companion to a previous volume in which, you guessed it, that same LA girl switches with the regency lady. If I hadn't read the other book, I would have been completely out of it, but things as they were and me having read the prequel a while ago, I was only mildly bewildered.

Anyway, it was cheesy, predictable and a bit lame. the action always seemed to come about because someone conveniently appeared at the right time, or equally conveniently knew exactly where or who the heroine needed to do next. I read it while I was sick in bed and while it entertained me I felt a bit like I had wasted my time - I would have been better off watching the Lost in Austen DVDs instead.

2.5 very conveniently located broom closets out of 5.

Along for the Ride

I won't go into too much detail here, but I love Sarah Dessen's books - I think she writes some of the most honest and self-aware teen fiction out there. Her stories are always fairly similar (new relationship with outcasty boy helps young woman grow up, surrounding various personal issues), but they ring true and I enjoy them.

This one wasn't one of her best, I have to say. Especially following on the heels of Lock and Key, which was excellent. It was a fairly interesting story of an overachieving student who comes out from under the influence of her family and learns to be herself over the course of a summer (isn't it always?), but it didn't really give me too much new. That said, her characters were, as usual, real in their dimensions, and not dumbed down for kids.

Overall, fun but I wouldn't break into Chapters in a ravenous frothing mass or anything. 3 obsessive grad students trying to seduce their prof out of 5.

Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp

This book caught my attention for two reasons - one, the camp described in the book is similar in style to the camp I worked at for two summers a few years ago, and two, books discussing being fat, understanding fat, body image etc. are always interesting.

i found it to be less of a book about fat camp (although it features heavily) but more on the author's relationship with her body and the impact it had on her life.

A lot of what she writes about I could relate to easily, although I don't think I was ever as far down the road as she was. Hearing how her parents, her peers and ultimately she defined herself and her self esteem on her weight rang very true.

It's written in a very caustic and honestly self aware manner that had me laughing at loud in some parts, and mildly uncomfortable in others. Overall though, definitely worth the read, and a great way of seeing another perspective of how self-identity is formed and manipulated, and how difficult it can be to reverse the damage.

4 chub rubs out of 5.

The Devil's Company

This book is my second by David Liss so far this year, having read The Whiskey Rebels earlier on.

Having only read two of his books, I am going to be bold (that's right, I take crazy risks!) and say that this book was Classic David. This is a similar thing to Classic Cath.

Anyway, like Liss's previous book, he has a strong understanding of economics, which factors heavily into this book on the East India Company and it's shady dealings in the 1700's. It's a bit silly, with all it's spies and double agents, but enjoyable nonetheless. He writes his main characters as witty and impressively gifted men who always seem to be one step ahead of everyone else and super-stealth to boot. I want to find a real man like this, but something tells me it is a bit ridiculous.

Regardless, it's a fun read for the historically motivated set. 3 dapper dandies out of 5.

The House at Riverton

This is the second book by Kate Morton that I have read this year, after picking up The Forgotten Garden a couple of months ago.

I got this book from the CBC reads booksale, a pretty great used book sale held in the spring each year. It is about a very elderly lady revisiting her early life as a maid at a manor house during WWI and the 1920s, arguably the period in which we saw the changeover into the modern era.

After reading Kate Morton's other book earlier this year, I was excited to get to this one. It didn't disappoint - it had the same atmospheric locations, well written characters and an intriguing plot that unraveled so well that I hadn't guessed the ending at all (not that I am Sherlock, but still).

I can't help but think her books would make great period dramas, similar to something like Gosford Park.

Anyway, this gets 4.5 shell-shocked infantrymen out of 5.

Swim the Fly

A pretty adorable tale of three 15-year old boys, who's summer goal is to see a "real live naked girl".

This was written in pretty much the way that (I think) 15 year old boys think, with a huge portion of their time devoted to girls or various subjects surrounding. At times, the book was pretty misogynistic and a couple of scenes bordered into the inappropriately creepy. That said, it is likely that 15 year old boys (and girls) are often inappropriate and creepy, so I guess you could consider it true-to-life.

the good: great dialogue and well formed characters. I liked meeting the three boys' families, the little details made their personalities more realistic. Also, Grandpa Arlo was awesome.

the bad: a bit misogynistic and creepy, as stated before. I can see how it is completely relatable to kids that age, though. I know I had some very inappropriate moments when I was 15 (or 26, let's be honest).

3.5 awkward boners out of 5.

The Purity Myth

Alright, back to adult books...

I heard about this book some time ago and was pretty excited when it came in amongst my holds at the library. can we just take a minute to talk about how fantastic the Calgary Public Library is? I rarely have issues with them, they make it pretty damn easy to do everything online, and whenever I haven't been able to find a book through them I have had access to the TAL system and have gotten it via the CPL through Interlibrary Loans. I heart the library. I am going to go out on a limb and say it is possibly one of the best inventions of the industrial revolution. Yay for Libraries!

So, back to this book. I loved the concept, regarding the commodification and obsession with virginity, with a focus on the American neo-con movement. It certainly delivered what it advertised, which was a very critical look at not only the neo-con movement but our ideas of virginity in general.

I thought Valenti made some really interesting points throughout the book, although at first I did find her writing style a bit bizarre. She both uses end notes and a form of footnotes, but her footnotes were primarily just her commentary on the subject matter. While I would have a difficult time taking this as someone using it for an academic source, as a general reader I was pretty entertained.

That said, Valenti's organization was a bit lacking, and I found she both repeated herself in her subject matter and contradicted herself as well. Specifically, her chapter on porn was a bit confusing - is she for or against?

All in all, it was an interesting book that I enjoyed, on subject matter that I feel passionate about. That said, I would have enjoyed some more detailed info on the subjects she was accosting, such as the Purity Balls. It's an interesting topic that is spoken of, but not delved into in any great depth. Perhaps I was just looking for more of a journalistic approach to the information and not such a feminist discourse style, but it is what it is.

3.5 misunderstood concepts of virginity out of 5.

The Uninvited

I was lent The Uninvited by a friend after I picked it up off her coffee table and read the back.

This is one of those books that could be classified as older YA, but could also stand as just general fiction as well (though likely with a young readership). It was a great story about a family of siblings that finds each other in Eastern Ontario, and the drama that surrounds their lives and the lives of their parents.

The good: great atmosphere, good story, great characters and dialogue and generally just the right amount of creepiness for YA.

The bad: I think this would have made a great adult novel. It could be expanded on, made a bit creepier and more sinister. Overall though, fun, very well written book.

4 Mini Coopers out of 5.

Boot Camp

The first two chapters came to me in my email inbox, and after ignoring it for a few days, I got pretty into it. By the end of the week (and series of emails), I was a bit bummed and therefore put it on hold at the library.

A few weeks later when I picked it up, I fully expected to dump it back at the library when it was due back, not having read it. For a YA book, it was pretty good about dealing with an issue without over-dramatizing it or pandering to the reader.

Anyway, it's the story of a teen who has an affair with his high school teacher and is sent off to a military school for his "disobedience" to his parents. What makes it work is that the narrator is an abnormally well-spoken teen, who is obviously more mature than most. His parents are presented as the typical upper-middle class WASP types, more concerned with their image than their child's welfare. While these are pretty stereotypical characters, the author does a good job in not pandering to the type - the parents are shown as misdirecting their care and concern along with being willfully blind. The kid, while mature, was still in a sexual relationship with an adult - technically illegal at best, with the teacher as a sexual predator at worst.

He goes through some absolutely abhorrent abuse at the military school, which is documented in a very matter-of-fact way. He is beaten, forced to do humiliating and dangerous tasks, and emotionally abused the entire way through. The idea is to brainwash the kids and then reprogram them.

Interestingly, sexual abuse is never even broached. Possibly it would be too much for a YA book, but you have to imagine this takes place along with the other forms of abuse - especially when the abuse is about power.

Possibly the best part of the book, and something you don't often see in YA is the afterword - the author speaks plainly and pointedly about the actual camps that exist in the US (and to a lesser degree in Canada), and how they have been responsible for a large number of deaths in the last 30 years.

I was interested enough in this to google "US youth boot camps" the next day, and it's true - it's a pretty terrible system that has parents giving permission for these places to abuse their children in the name of "saving them". Now, I am completely sure that there are a large number of kids out there who need a (metaphorical) kick in the ass to turn their lives around. This system seems antiquated and wrong, however. Especially when, after doing the research, it turns out that statistically they make no difference whatsoever - the repeat rates for these kids in the criminal system is identical to the kids that don't go through boot camps. Finally, often the people running these camps have no actual credentials to support themselves - they do not keep psychiatrists, appropriate medical staff, teaching staff, etc.

All in all, worthwhile read and good issue-type book for YA. 3.5 steel-toed boots to the face out of 5.

Black Sheep

I bought this book from chapters.ca so that I could get the free shipping. Who doesn't enjoy a good mystery now and then? I've had a penchant for Irish mysteries lately, after reading Tana French's books in 2008.

I'm not really sure what I expected, but I did get your formulaic mystery novel - two seemingly-unrelated murders, a bunch of cover up, a tense partnership between investigators, bad guys, etc.

The good: Well written characters, and a surprisingly moving subplot around one of the detective's aging mothers decline into dementia.

The bad: ended a bit lamely, with the usual tie ups. It ran a bit long, and the bad guys were your cookie cutter bad shits.

I'd be interested in a good solid Irish mystery with "The Troubles" as a backdrop, as opposed to the usual Irish gossips/rural settings/gritty gangsters. Anyone know of any (directed to the three people who read this)?

two and a half burned out Ford Fiestas out of five.

Sharp Objects

In a complete departure from Austenland, I next picked up this book and promptly tore through it in less than 24 hours. A considerably dark tale about a journalist from Chicago who is sent back to her small Missouri hometown to cover the serial murders of little girls.

As the book unfolds, it becomes both very disturbed and bizarre, delving into the relationships of the women in the town, and within the protagonist's own family. The mother, Adora, is a repressed sociopathic WASPy type, and the youngest daughter, Amma is a bipolar bully who takes great joy in witnessing pain and violence. These two alone would make for a great story, but when told through the eyes of a very disturbed reporter who, as a cutter, has carved words all over her skin, made it so I couldn't go anywhere or do anything until i finished the book.

Interestingly, when I finished the book I read the author bio, and it turns out Gillian Flynn is the television critic for Entertainment Weekly. Weird - you would think she would write something more along the lines of "The Hills", but I guess people do surprise you for the better occasionally.

Anyway, it was a gripping and very interesting read, and I give it 4 Kansas City cops out of 5, and I look forward to reading Gillian Flynn's recently released new novel, as soon as the library gets it to me.

Screedles

Austenland

I picked this book up from the library this week, thinking it would be a fun little diversion (from what? I don't exactly read Doystoyevsky on a regular basis). A slim little volume from an author who primarily writes YA fiction, it told the tale of a thirty-something single woman, unlucky in love, who receives a vacation as a parting gift from a dead relative to attend "Pembrook Park", a spot where lonely Austenites can live out their fantasies.

You can understand why this would appeal to me - what fan of historical fiction in general and lover of Austen specifically wouldn't want to do exactly that? In theory, I would love to dress up in a corset and parade around in a manor house for three weeks. What this book does deliver on is in fact remedy from this fantasy. In your imagination, it sounds like fun. In reality (as the protagonist learns), it's just lame and sad.

Overall, this story is pretty thin on plot, and more than a little cheesy in character. It does deliver some pretty witty writing, and I did find myself giggling a few times out loud. In the end, however, it became the same tired chick-lit climax (tee hee) in which two equally handsome but completely different mannequins fight for the hand of the fair lady. Boring. It had such potential too - earlier in the book I found myself contemplating the nature of fantasy and the lengths people go to fulfill them, and at what point it becomes unhealthy. I guess I over thought it.

Finally, I want to question some of the plot points - why would this character get such a gift left in a will? This seemed bizarre and unnecessary. Also, why was it so insistent that it be known that the main character was not the usual sort of patron to grace Pembrook House, financially? Why was the owner such a bitch? And lastly, what kind of vacation place demands financial statements from it's guests? So bizarre, and frankly a bit hacky. In places, it kind of read like an amateur erotic novel, minus the fun stuff. Maybe it was trying to do the whole P&P "different classes" thing in a really heavy-handed way? Fail.

Anyway, I give it 2.5 Mr. Darcys out of 5, but if you're wanting something ridiculous and fun and mildly guilty (like a foot fetish), read it.

6 Month Review

Well, it's been six months since I started this project, and I've learned a couple of things. One, I don't read the amount of quality books that I thought I did. Two, I don't actually read as much as I thought I did (although I think that moving and not taking the bus anymore has a big hand in that, and also having graduated and taken on a real job without the time between classes to read too is responsible). Third, I have gotten more stringent with my stupid rating system. I hope Meg Cabot isn't out there crying herself to sleep somewhere because I gave her crappy book two whatevers out of five. Finally, keeping up and remembering what books I've read, and what they were about is harder than I thought.

So far in 2009...

The best book has been The Observations, with The Forgotten Garden in second place. I love me some historical novels.

The worst book has been Revelations, with that Jill Mansell and Ransom my Heart tied for second. I read some crappy crap.

Coming up this summer (or so my bedside table tells me)...

New Sarah Dessen (big tortured teen "Yesssss!" on that)
New Jennifer Weiner
Some more tortured historical novels with plucky heroines, no doubt
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - probably going to be the best and most important book I ever read.
My required summertime classic - I haven't decided what it will be yet, but am taking suggestions if you have an idea...

Being Nikki

You didn't think the stream of adult books could carry on forever, could you?

Well, Meg Cabot, here we are. I have an interesting relationship with you - at your worst you are ridiculous and cheesy, and make me feel dumber for having wasted time on your drivel (see Ransom My Heart). However, at your best, while not going to win the Orange Prize, keeps me pretty entertained. This was one of your better efforts.

As with any Meg Cabot review, I won't get into plot specifics - all you need to know is that it involves a brain transplant (oh, come on!) and every 14 year old girl's fantasy life. That's not to say that while completely and laughably outrageous, it wasn't fun to read. Yes, I probably could have found a better way to spend that two hours of my life than reading Meg Cabot's teen fiction, but it was just so freaking fun I couldn't help myself. I have decided to look at books like these as my ice cream sandwich of the literary world - one occasionally is really great and enjoyable, but repeated consumption will just make me bloated and full of shit.

On the Meg Cabot/Teen Fiction scale, I give this one four dreamy but appropriately aged gentlemen all competing for the heroine's love out of five. On the Real Book Scale, I give it a mediocre two and a half Hannah Montana posters out of five. It's not great literature, people. Ahhhh, fun though...

Grave Goods

Next up was the newest installment into the Mistress in the Art of Death series, a kind of CSI in 12th century Britain.

The best thing about these books is that they are well written, and very well researched. The mystery that is the backbone of the story isn't usually predictable as you would need some level of understanding of 12th century history in order to put it all together.

The time lines of this book are a bit bizarre, in that one minute you are in one place, and then somehow it's a month later - it is pretty jarring. Other than that, good times. I giggled out loud a few times, the characters are all pretty well rounded and have their individual quirks, and rarely act outside of the way they've been written. Other than a few minor cop-outs, overall I had an entertaining few hours reading this, and I would recommend the series to people like me who are both history dorks and enjoy a good bit of intrigue.

three and a half excaliburs out of five.

Church of Lies

Changing the pace from fluffy girl novels, I next read this book on the FLDS and polygamy in the United States by Flora Jessop, a former FLDS member and current activist against the group.

Again, I love this stuff - these people are so messed up, and reading about how they've been manipulated interests me to no end. This isn't my first volume (as is evidenced in my blog history) on the topic, but it is probably the most angry. By all accounts, the author led a very horrific life, both prior to leaving the cult and afterwards, in her drug abuse and dead-end relationships.

While I am sure that everything she speaks of actually happened to her, it was written with a mix of self-congratulation and a great deal of not-unjustified anger. Most memorably, it was a bit bizarre and completely horrifying to read explicit details of her father's sexual abuse of her. While I think that it is necessary for the truth of how these girls, women (and men and boys) are abused and manipulated to be told, I think she loses some gravitas in her arguments just by writing with such a strongly biased tone. Of course, she IS biased, based upon her own personal history, but I think her issues have blocked the accessibility of her book which will ultimately do a disservice to those people that she is trying to help.

Other than that, I thought she had some valid points. The one that sticks in my mind most is her thought that the only people to come out of the FLDS and stay out successfully are for the most part the kids. By the time women reach adulthood, they are too strongly brainwashed against the outside and, for the most part, can not function in the real world. I think there is some truth in that - it seems that only those who have questioned the lifestyle since early childhood can make a life outside with any degree of success and adaptability. Everyone else seems doomed to go back into what essentially amounts to a form of slavery.

I am giving Church of Lies two ratings - two crazy religious rants out of five for the writing, but four holy pairs of underwear out of five for the message. P.S., Flora, I think you should fire your ghostwriter.

The Temptation of the Night Jasmine

I believe this is the fourth (or is it fifth) installment in Lauren Willig's series on regency mysteries. Think of her books as kind of a cross between Meg Cabot and the Scarlet Pimpernel, and you'd get the idea.

I picked up her first book, The Secret History of the Pink Carnation several years ago while killing time on Whyte Ave in Edmonton, and I enjoyed it for a) it took place in on of my favourite eras, the Regency; b) it was entertaining; and c) it was a bit sexy.

The further volumes more or less follow the same standard - going between the present day story of an American grad student and her dissertation topic of Regency-era spies, and the actual spies she studies, young ladies of a certain class gadding about the British Isles solving mysteries. Kind of like Scooby Doo, but with more corsets and less mystery machine.

This most recent incarnation does not disappoint, although it doesn't exactly blow your mind either. It's better than a couple previous volumes, but doesn't quite capture the charm of the first. My biggest complaint - not sexy enough. Now, it's not like I am some sort of maniac, but a girl likes a bit of gratuitous sex once in a while - why put that in your first volume and then back away in further efforts? Talk about frustrating.

Anyway, for delivering what it should, but no more, I give this book two and a half hidden stilettos out of five, and a big fat chastity belt thrown in sexual frustration. I like a little blush with my plucky and historically inaccurate, mystery-solving heroines thank you very much.

Every Secret Thing

This book, a political mystery by Canadian Emma Cole, is basically about my fantasy life as a plucky young journalist travelling the world, uncovering diabolical schemes dating back to yore and yesteryere.

Traveling between both WWII and present day, as well as all over Europe and North America, it was refreshing to read a book in this genre that focused on more than just the American or British perspective and had some sort of historical basis of understanding in Canada's role in the war (intelligence in particular). While it didn't have the requisite visit to the Imperial War Museum that I feel all thrillers about WWII that take place in London should, it still proved satisfying.

Overall, a decent first novel that fit well in the political thriller genre and kept me entertained - if only my life were that cool.

Three secret identities out of five, with the "Sceptre of Can-con" raised in acknowledgement. Now where's my plane ticket to Europe, where a handsome stranger can pseudo-stalk me and eventually save my life (and we can make out too)?

The Forgotten Garden

This was an actual, real, decent book that I read (especially after all the sludge lately). Yet another historical mystery, it was well written, intrguing and had
more to offer than straight up escapism.

It centred around the story of a small girl who is abandoned on a ship to Australia from England in 1913. Upon her arrival, she is taken in by the dockmaster and his wife, and raised as their own.

The book jumps around in time, from 1900 all the way to 2005, with various dates in between. This story of family and betrayal, told through the search of a woman for the real story of her grandmother's history was actually pretty riveting, and I was right with it for pretty much the entire thing.

That isn't to say it didn't have it's faults - it ran a bit long and could definitely have used a bit of trimming. Overall, I enjoyed this book and read it a lot faster than anything else in the last little while. Maybe this is the key, read actual good books instead of tripe - you end up reading more.

Regardless, good read, a bit more dense than the past few and I didn't have the mystery figured out until the end. I give it 4 creepy hair-filled Victorian brooches out of 5.

What Angels Fear

I love a good historical mystery, as is fairly evident by my book blog so far (note to self - expand horizons). This book is what can be determined as the Jane Fallon of historical mysteries - pleasant to read, kept me mildly interested, but ultimately I don't feel like I spent a magical few hours with a book - it was simply sufficient.

Set in 1811 with the rape and murder of a popular actor (and sometimes whore), it settles around a roguish aristocrat trying to clear his name by figuring out whom the real killer must be. He goes all over industrial London, and enlists the help of another actor-whore and a plucky young eastender. Several red herrings/romances/mistaken identities/ridiculous costumes/regency balls later, he finally gets his man.

Honestly, it was OK. I was mildly entertained, as much by the story as by the portrayal of the thick London Police. It seemed pretty unlikely that even they could not find this guy when he went underground - the hero was about as stealth as myself, but a whole lot less dashing.

Anyway, this mildly amusing tale gets 2.5 rakishly tied cravats out of 5 - a grand total of meh.

Get You Back

First of all, I found out that Jane Fallon is the partner (married to?)
Ricky Gervais. I just thought that was kind of interesting, he seems like he would be a bit of a trial to live with.

Anyway, Got you Back was basically Getting Rid of Matthew version 2.0. Jane Fallon seems to have some issues with cheating husbands (I'm looking at you, Ricky). Anyway, some jerk is living a double life, with a wife in London and a mistress in the country. They eventually find out about each other, and go through all sorts of quirky adventures to get even with him and destroy his life. Eventually, he sees the err of his ways and everything wraps up fairly nicely, although not perfectly.

I do have to say this - Jane Fallon has at least gone away from the regular chicklit standard of a nice, all around clean ending with everyone blissfully happy. This book ends on a relatively high note, but transgressions have not been forgotten, and there is no perfect solution that makes everything wonderful again.

Other than this, though, we have your typical chicklit novel. I think that sometimes chicklit gets a bad rap (the first being called chicklit, but that is another rant for another time). there are some really great writers out there that tend to get pigeonholed, such as jennifer Weiner. Yes, her books have a pink cover, they feature sassy women making a life for themselves, etc. She also develops strong, likable and relatable characters that draw you in and seem very real - to just write her stuff off as "chicklit" and relegate it to the pink section of the store for lonely housewives and beach reads is doing a disservice. But anyway...back to Jane Fallon.

Unfortunately, she really doesn't bring it to the Jennifer Weiner level. I was entertained, but not outrageously so. Her book kept me mildly interested and didn't require a ton of brainpower to keep things afloat. It is ideal for a *cough* beach read. Urgh....

I give it 3 housewives on Valium out of 5. Don't go out of your way, but for something fun and if it's free, enjoy.

Ransom My Heart

I can't believe A) I read this; and B) I am admitting to it. FML

2 cliched romance novels out of 5. urgh.

The Sky is Falling

I read this book (and its two sequels) over and over and over again as a kid.  This is truly a classic of Canadian children's fiction.  

Anyway, I am in the process of moving and when I went to bed last night all my books were packed up, so I had nothing to read.  I found this tucked behind a cabinet in my old room, and so I took it to bed with me to keep me entertained in my last night at my mom's house.  It kind of seemed like a fitting  choice, seeing as how it was such a big part of my childhood.  

This story of two young children leaving England for Toronto as war guests during the early part of World War II is always great.  I've always found myself deeply sympathetic with Norah and her depression at being sent away.  That said, the book never justifies her neglectful treatment of her confused little brother, and by the end when everything is repaired in their relationship, you forgive her.  

Reading it as an adult was a bit strange.  I thought I would take a different perspective and be a bit more sympathetic (or at least understanding) of the adult characters, but that didn't happen.  Instead I felt about eleven years old again, and I completely lost myself in the story.  This includes sitting among cardboard boxes this morning crying like a loser at the end.  

This book has always been a favourite, and I am glad I was forced to pick it up again.  I give it 5 out of 5 Messerschmitts, and I think I may have to see if I can find the other two books in the series somewhere.

Goldengrove

I picked this book up solely because of the cover.  I seriously love canoeing.  This cover makes me think of summer camp, family summer vacation in Ontario and weirdly enough about a series of books I read as a kid where the characters would spend their summers at a cottage in Muskoka.  

Anyway, the cover was a win, and the book itself was actually pretty decent too.  Taken from the perspective of a 14 year old girl during the summer following the accidental death of her charismatic older sister.  She ends up getting involved with her sister's grieving boyfriend, and it moves into some pretty bizarre territory.  

The best thing about this book was that I think it portrayed grief in a pretty lifelike way.  The characters were all stalled in their own ways after the death of Margaret, and it took each of them a very real and immediate reason to decide to move forward in their lives.  I think it was also very good that it didn't all wrap up neatly at the end.  Much like real life, instead of closure some relationships just drifted apart.  It was a really relatable way to write a book.

My only pet peeve was that the timeline didn't really work out.  Really, it's such a stupid thing to get worked up about, but come on!  Nico, the main character, watches movies all throughout the film.  Each time she does, it is specified that she watches them on DVD.  This is fine.  However, in the epilogue she starts talking about her life in her marriage 25 years later.  Now, DVDs aren't exactly new technology, but are they 25 years old?  No way.  Even if they are, they haven't been in the popular sphere for that long.  Maybe 1o years, maybe.  But there is no way that you would have been able to go to the local small town video store 25 years ago and rent classic film on DVD.  Really.

Anyway, the DVD issue notwithstanding, it was an enjoyable read, and one that can't be considered teen fiction (yay me!).  I give it 3.5 creepy boyfriends making you dress up like your dead sister out of 5.  

Sweethearts

Recommended by my bestie, Sweethearts was a great story about growing up, and the people that you meet and leave along the way.  The writing brought to mind Sarah Dessan in that slightly tortured, real-world problems sort of way.  

The story opens with the narrator (Jennifer/Jenna) as a young, awkward 9 year old who is navigating her existence with difficulty.  Tortured by her peers because she is poor, chubby and a bit neglected, she finds solace in her one friend, Cameron.  The two have a very close, soul-mate type existence.  One day, her friend fails to show up to school and she eventually hears that he has died.

The rest of the book goes back and forth between the present (with Jenna as a transformed 17 year old) and a creepy past event that shaped her perception of herself and her relationship with Cameron.  What is great about this book is that Sara Zerr, the author, doesn't waste words.  It's a quick, efficient read that tells the story well.  My biggest issue was that it was a bit unrealistic.  As a child of Abuse it is totally understandable that Cameron would have issues with commitment and communication, but the way he came in and out of Jenna's life like some sort of mythological beast was a bit weird.  Also, and this is just my issues, but it lacked the kind of resolution I craved.  I'm all for real relationships in books, but it was really unsatisfying to have nothing to follow up on.  It kind of felt like when someone (usually me) forgets the punchline of a joke and then has to explain why it should have been funny, or has to add in "oh wait, I forgot to tell you that the donkey was pink" at the punchline.  Kills the mood.  Every time.

Anyway, it was a decent read, and I enjoyed it.  3 stolen Snickers bars out of 5.

City of Glass

City of Glass is the third book in a trilogy that I (dorkily) got into a couple of years ago.  Buying into the whole Vampire/Werewolf/Fairy thing that is popular right now, with a whole lot of Harry Potter, it delivers what it promises.  That is, it's fun escapism that is moderately well written.

I won't go into details as to the plot or anything because at this point, it won't make any sense and really, do you care?  Probably not.  It was pretty predictable but overall entertaining, and I enjoyed it as a suitable conclusion to the series.  I give it 3 out of 5 overly emotive 16 year olds with magical powers out of 5, with a special bonus wizard's staff for making me laugh out loud more than once.  It's the little things...

Making Your Mind Up

Surprisingly, given the stoic and genre-ambiguous cover art, this book is another Chick-lit read. For full review, see the Meg Cabot I read last month.

By the cover though, you would guess there was lots of gardening, fornicating forest life and kissing that makes your leg pop up. You would be wrong. it is about people dying of cancer, parenting and coke heads. Weird, huh? They must just have a stock of book covers they buy off Fotolia or something, just slap a title on it and off it goes to the printer.

Mediocre at best - not even any good sex scenes. 2 spunky, sexy heroines whom men just don't understand out of 5.

When Men Become Gods

This was actually one of the better non-fiction accounts of the FLDS cult and the events that have surrounded it in the last ten years or so.

Anyone who knows me knows how I love reading my books about these nutters, so when I saw this title I had to get it. It has been on my holds list at the library for at least 6 months, but finally fate (or the Angel Moroni) smiled down on me and granted my wish of wishes, and my hold became available.

Stephen Singular does a great job of avoiding the bogging down that this material can easily cause. Jon Krakauer's book, Under the Banner of Heaven, went deeply into the history of the Mormon Church, but suffered because of it in that it ended up with too light of a focus on the modern events. Singular avoids this by only giving a light overview of the general history, and quickly zooms into what has been happening recently, specifically within the FLDS and not Mormon polygamy in general. He gives an accurate account of the legal hoops that various law enforcement groups have had to jump through to effect change, and how they eventually saw a cultural shift within this closed and abusive society.

Polygamy is a complicated issue that can probably be debated endlessly. Singular did the smart thing and instead focused on the actual crimes that have taken place - child abuse, rape, brainwashing of both genders and the subjugation of women. Published just before the raid on the YFZ ranch in April 2008, it is the most up to date of the books out there. I look forward to reading an account of the events of the last year, but until then When Men Become Gods provided new information in a well researched and approachable manner. I give it 4 sister-wives out of 5.

Sabriel

Had a rough night a few nights ago, so in between bouts of yarging I re-read this book for the 2,000th time. Brought me right back to being 13 again, and it's still a great story. I might have to find my other two in the series and read the rest.

Looking back on my last few selections, I realize that the dork factor is a little high lately. I am going to have to pull out something worthwhile soon...

Sabriel gets 5 white kitties out of 5, just for the hours of entertainment it has given me over the years.

I Will Plant you a Lilac Tree

As a holocaust memoir, this book was pretty decent. Stories from this period in history are always a bit unbelievable as it is hard to imagine people living through such a terrible situation. I think that you automatically have to respect Holocaust survivors, just based upon what they have endured. They could publish a book of crayon scribblings and you should be tipping your hat to them.

That said, for a book about a person who was on Schindler's List, it had a distinct lack of emphasis on said list. It was a pretty good book, just falsely advertised with the subtitle. Wow, I sound like the jerks who nitpick on the comments section of the Globe and Mail website.

Anyway, a worthwhile quick read, 3.5 Oskars out of 5.

Jellicoe Road

I have no clue as to how this book landed in my holds pile at the library.  I just showed up one day and there it was.  I'm sure at some point I had a reason to want to read it, but that totally is lost somewhere out there in the ether.

Regardless, I did pick it up and read it.  In the end it was a really good YA coming-of-age story that lacked the usual trite crap that the majority of the genre has.  I did almost put it down in the first third though, abandoned forever.  The book has very little exposition at the beginning, so I was truly confused for most of the first bit.  By the middle of the book it all started to make sense, and by the end the lack of a strong beginning even makes sense as a literary choice.  I can see that it might lose some readers by the confusion alone, especially if, like me, they lack any sort of patience.  

Again, this book features the "story within a story" device, which I am not a fan of.  Not going to lie, I totally glazed over as soon as the text turned italic, which, looking back, may account partially for my confusion.  

The strength in this book comes from the unravelling of the history, and the well-drawn characters.  While the end wasn't exactly a huge surprise, it was well done and without smarm.  Is Smarm even a word?  Can it be a noun, or is it only used to describe something?  If I am smarmy, do I contain a certain degree of smarm?

Regardless, good book.  I might be tempted to pick up another book by this author next time I get a YA hankering.  I give it 3.5 suicidal hermits out of 5.

The Well of Lost Plots

Re-read "The Well of Lost Plots". What can be said about Jasper Fforde books? I won't even try to explain the plot line, or describe the story in any way. It just can't be done without sounding like a loser. Jasper Fforde is always worthwhile, and even in re-read I find myself giggling. I've taken to putting his books on my ipod and then listening while I run, and then I REALLY look crazy, giggling to myself as I run around the river.

The Well of Lost Plots, like most Fforde books, gets a solid 5 re-imagined classics out of 5 from me - any flaws can be overlooked just based upon pure creativity. The world needs more authors like this guy.

Also, remember that a unicorn isn't just for page 231, it's forever.